我渐渐学会了沉默

不再急于表达

不再渴望被理解

也不再执着于解释自己

有些话

说了也未必有人懂

有些事

懂了也未必能感同身受

于是

我选择把话留在心里

把情绪交给时间

不是变得冷漠

而是终于明白

真正的成熟

是从喧嚣走向安静

是从争辩走向释然

曾经我也热衷于分享

渴望被看见、被认同

可后来才懂得

不是每个人都愿意听你说话

也不是每双耳朵都配得上你的真心

于是

我学会了闭嘴

也学会了倾听

沉默不是无话可说

而是学会了选择

选择不再浪费情绪

选择不再讨好世界

选择不再为不值得的人和事消耗自己

就像余华说的：

“我不再装模作样地拥有很多朋友，

而是回到了孤单之中，

以真正的我开始了独自的生活。”

我开始享受一个人的时光

读书、拍照、散步、发呆

在沉默中与自己对话

在安静里找回内心的秩序

也终于明白

真正的强大

不是声嘶力竭地证明自己

而是在沉默中坚定地走自己的路

我不再羡慕那些热闹的人

也不再害怕孤独

因为我知道

沉默不是退缩

而是一种更深的清醒

就像林清玄说的：

“以清净心看世界，以欢喜心过生活。”

我不再急于让世界听见我

而是学会在沉默中听见自己

也终于懂得

人生蕞美的风景

不在别人的掌声里

而在内心的宁静中

人到中年

我学会了沉默

也学会了

在沉默中

不慌不忙地爱自己

Meaningful piece I saw on XHS. Surprised to see my update? So am I!

There was once WJ asked "what kind of girl am I?". Just like any other girl, when a guy asked you such question, you usually don't answer this question well. Or rather you just give very normal answer. So following the usual mindset of a girl, I gave a very normal answer. Of course, as his gf, I also mentioned about being independent hahaha (maybe to a certain extent luh).

However, this wasn't really my real answer. I also said - "girl next next door". Usually we heard about girl next door but definitely not girl next next door. He was like why. You see, even girl next door get noticed right? Therefore, as someone who doesn't get notice immediately or soon or later, I belonged to the girl next next door. Once the guy got the girl next door, he wouldn't care about the girl next next door.

Girl next next door can also be good but just not noticed yet.
I thank him for noticing the girl next next door which is me :)

To all girl/boy next next door or whichever door, don't give up on love. If it doesn't come knocking on your door, perhaps it's time to get out of that door to look for him/her :)
I was a girl next next door and instead of waiting, I got out of the door to snatch the guy who was going after girl next door (JUST KIDDDDINGGGGG!!!!) HAHAHAHHA! Please, I'm not like that. But I went out to look for my guy next next door(?) hehehe

Imagine life as a game in which you are juggling some five balls in the air. You name them — work, family, health, friends and spirit and you’re keeping all of these in the air. You will soon understand that work is a rubber ball. If you drop it, it will bounce back. But the other four balls — family, health, friends, and spirit — are made of glass. If you drop one of these, they will be irrevocably scuffed, marked, nicked, damaged, or even shattered. They will never be the same. You must understand that and strive for balance in your life.

As a working adult now, I told myself never to let work take over my life because it's totally not worth it. Life is too short to be spend on working for too long. At the end of the day, we are all replaceable by any other person at work but time of you spent with your love ones will be irreplaceable.

Hello 2016

A round-up post about what has happened back in 2015.

Left my old job and start on a new job in 2015. Pretty glad to have left the previous job but the job left me a long healing process. Not just mentally and emotionally, physically as well. The everyday rushing here and there has made my health suffer quite a fair bit and that in 2016, I wish for a much better health and lesser visits to the doctor. Now, I'm in the process of slowly adjusting my health and as a result, so many food I can't eat. For the sake of better health, I shall overcome all cravings and exercise more than last year. 

New job has made me pick up new skills which I'm so far enjoying and putting it to good use almost everyday. Perhaps the new skills can become my future job too. I shall continue to hone on these skills and seize every opportunity to practice it. For now, I shall KIV about this and shall update more when everything has been materialized ;) I will make it work because that's one of my personal growth to achieve this year. 

Relationship wise, it has been alright. Nothing exciting? Just a little bit of more love every single day! Once in a while, a little sadness and disappointment as well. However, we see the little sadness as a way of a better understanding towards each other. Thankfully our relationship is built on open communication therefore we are straight forward in expressing our discontentment and also, love for each other ;) One of the highlights in 2015 was traveling to Perth together. The last time I went was near to 9 years ago for a school trip but spent most of the time in school. This trip showed me a different side of Perth and also a different side of him :) Looking forward to traveling again soon! 

In 2015, relationship has taught me to be understanding and compromising and to always choose to love him more every single day. No matter how sad or disappointed I am at the end of the day, don't bring these feelings over to the next day. Always choose to love and express my love not just because I always say it everyday out of habit but to remind myself that he is the best thing that ever happened to me.

Remember how social media was circulating this article of this boyfriend who filled a jar with 365 days of love notes for his girlfriend. This was a challenge I set for myself at the start of 2015. To write down a note a day about our relationship - what we did today, quote/lyrics, what I love about him. I spent the last day of the year sorting out the notes and counting to ensure it's 365 pieces of notes (sadly, I missed out 12 days but hey, good achievement to persevere this challenge!). I opened a few and read it. I always felt that we didn't do much but the notes reminded me of the small little things that he has done. Relationship is not built by the big events but the small little things that accumulate to the biggest piece of memory. Thank you for loving me for who I am and compromising most of the times. I love you!

Friendship wise, thankful for those who have been around. Managed to rekindle a friendship that has been set aside for a while. At the end of the day, it's not the quantity but quality. As I grow older, I realized I really don't have to talk to them every day but always to keep them in my heart. Thank you for having to tolerate my quirkiness and cheekiness and I have to say, you will still have to go through that for don't know how many years! :P 

This year, I'll be focusing a lot on personal growth. 2015 was spent sorting and adjusting so 2016 is a year to get things moving. It's just the start of 2016 so I'm still full of positive energy and I hope that this positive energy will keep going on! I'm just looking forward to better things ahead! :)

Honesty

I think it's always surprising for my readers when they suddenly see me updating my post and know that I'm still somewhat alive. Yeah, just once in a while, I'll be back here :) It's still a pretty decent place to express my thoughts ;)

I was watching a video about relationship advices and one of the components for a relationship to work will be honesty. Be honest about how I feel etc etc etc. And suddenly, something came to my mind. Something that I've done about a year ago and have not yet gathered the courage to tell him about. I was already preparing to let him know via writing a note but I was thinking of taking such opportunity to be even more open towards the relationship. I generally prefer to express my thoughts via texts but it's time to express more through my mouth.

At night, I was debating in my mind whether to say or not. I was actually going to say but I didn't. Then again, I have already set my mind to say it and if I don't, I'm afraid I can't sleep. You understand that feeling when you have something running in your mind and if you don't say it out (be it via text or mouth), you won't be able sleep in peace.

It was already midnight and we have work the next day. I was still struggling and debating. Stopped and took a deep breathe and said, "Can I tell you something?". I proceeded saying it...

Guessed all these worries are for nothing, it doesn't bother him at all :)

No, I didn't tell you only this after a year not because I was afraid of a break-up xD Just that I didn't want you to feel hurt if you ever know about it. Seems like it's a minute thing compared to what you are facing.

Sigh, why girls like that? I guessed I got to think more like a guy.

Thank you for being so nice and not being angry :) What did I do to deserve someone like youuuuu???

That Point of Time

There comes a point of time, whereby you wonder what the heck am I in relationship? Why does he feel like he is more like a friend to me rather than my significance other?

There comes a point of time, whereby you snapped out of your honeymoon period and realized that there are some things that we need to work it out. I'll always in mind it's us, not me nor you.

There comes a point of time, whereby there will be a lot of feedbacks regarding this relationship. Be it good or bad, you know that it will help to improve the relationship.

And at this point of time, I'm grateful for all the things that happened to make a better person :) Understanding you and myself better. For everything that has happened, it's all going to be worth it at the end of the day.

As of now, at this point of time,  I only know that you are the apple of my eyes (hehehe).

You will never chance upon this blog but just want to say, you have been really awesome and I'm thankful for your existence.

Looking forward to more adventures together :)

Long or short?

The other day, before I go to sleep, I was telling WJ that your messages are so short that if we were still back in those days of having limit SMSes, your SMS limit would have exploded. Then he replied saying you got to wait longer if I have to type the messages longer. It suddenly struck me how instant people want their reply to be.

As much as I like receiving instant messages, but let's say if I'm asking a question that requires for more info (or rather more conversation) and all I get was an instant but short reply, I'll be like wts? (Okay, unless your short messages come in multiple bullets shooting in and clearly answer my questions then that is good enough).

The reason why I like long messages in because it tells me more about your thoughts or whatever that is happening if I were to ask a question. You think I can know about through a "yes" or "no" or "okay lor"? I think most importantly, I'm trying to have a proper conversation. If all I get are such replies, then I can see that you are least interested in talking with me. If such replies still persist for a long time, then you can see me waving my white flag soon.

I guess when you type a message out, put yourself in the situation whereby if you were the one receiving such message, do you think you'll be happy receiving it? I'm not trying to nitpick about the length of messages but say a lot about your interest towards a conversation.

Well, maybe face to face conversation is still the best. You get a variety of sentences and as well as their expressions.